托,福。

 

我惭愧。从小就不算个有毅力的人,虽然不敢承认,但回首过去,发现自自己降临世界以来的23年里,居然有超过66.7%的时间与她一起度过。简而言之,从小学2年级起我便开始和英语同行了! 可是,在和英语的这近16年交情中,一直是她追着我,她对我有求必应,我对她若即若离。小学初中英语简单,还算不错;高中勉强吃老本,难料高考作文出现事故,直接导致没上成第一志愿;大学呢,她倒是真争气,四六级裸考一起低空水过。只是,她的这一番苦心没有讨好我,反而被我打入冷宫。后来后来,虽然无数的学长学姐,老师同学告诉我她的美,她的好,我却无心相恋。最终到了现在的境地。

四级,六级,再往后应该是托福了吧,一个个为我和英语准备的见证。其实,早在2010年,新东方就安排了我和英语去领这个证。只是临了我抱着青春重走一回的想法,怂了。TOEFL,一个标准化考试,用于衡量母语非英语为母语者的英语水平。因为是飞跃重洋的必经之路,国人很自慰的将其音译为托福,祈祷考试如神助,托命运的福。

身边无数的人在准备出国,我虽无此意,但是看着他们和英语比翼双飞,而英语在我身边慢慢人老珠黄,实在于心不忍。于是,我狠下决心,为了自己这么多年和她剪不断理还乱的感情,豁出一把老骨头,奋斗一把。

读研以来,一直浑浑噩噩,许久没有奋斗的激情。有时候真不知道自己想要什么,生活上,感情上,学习上,时常踌躇。有时候真怀念在新东方的时候,那种一群人一起被励志的感觉。虽然简单,虽然鸡血,但很实在。那是青春的感觉,与梦相随。虽然是别人的梦,在梦着跃洋的同志们之中,总是被他们所鼓舞。相比之下,自己的梦反而总是错综复杂,凌乱七八…

唉,扯远了,总之英语是个好姑娘,你对她好,她就对你好,不经意之间还能给你个惊喜。按照俺的为人原则,以后要好好补偿她咯。

我承认,这复出一役,不咋地。不过,我会继续努力的。今后要有毅力的把这段感情经营下去,开花,结果。

最后,想起2年前,新东方托福的最后一课上,郑玉老师对我们的告诫。唉!时光飞逝,青春不在啊!

选自《The picture of Dorian Gray》

Dorian Gray, a handsome man in his early 20s, is having a conversation with Lord Henry Wotton.

 

“… You have the most marvelous youth, and youth is the one thing worth having.”

 

“I don’t feel that, Lord Henry.”

 

“No you don’t feel it now. Someday, when you are old and wrinkled and ugly, you will feel it, you will feel it terribly. Now, wherever you go , you charm the world. Will it always be so?… You have a wonderfully beautiful face, Mr Gray. Don’t frown. You have. And Beauty is a form of Genius – is higher, indeed, than Genius, as it needs no explanation… It cannot be questioned. It has its divine right of sovereignty. It makes princes of those who have it.

 

You smile? Ah! When you have lost it, you won’t smile… Yes, Mr.Gray, the gods have been good to you. But what the Gods give they quickly take away. You have only a few years in which to live really, perfectly, and fully. When your youth goes, your beauty will go with it, and then you will suddenly discover that there are no triumphs left for  you… You will suffer horribly… Ah! realize your youth while you have it!… Live! live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing… The world belong to you for a season… For there is such a little time that your youth will last – such a little time… We never get back our youth. The pulse of youth that beats in us at twenty, becomes sluggish. Our limbs fail, our senses rot. We degenerate into hideous puppets, haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were too much afraid, and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to. Youth! Youth! There is absolutely nothing in the world but youth! 

 

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